#BOTY2018 Day 25 : Christmas Looks Like

According to Hollywood, Christmas looks like snow, a big decorated tree, presents under the tree, red pyjamas, ugly sweaters, stockings full of presents, a glazed ham for dinner, snow ball fights and huge fat man coming into your house overnight to drink milk and sugar.

In Africa, we don’t play like that. Santa comes down a chimney, I scream thief, someone’s teeth get knocked out. Snowball fights? We don’t get snow. No glazed ham, a chicken if you are lucky. Definitely no presents but you get to wear those clothes you got in the weeks leading up to Christmas and finally, no tree. Who will sweep it up?

For me, Christmas is going to my grandma’s house, eating rice, roast chicken, tomato soup and coleslaw salad with a cherry plum on the side. Bliss. Although, it hasn’t been the case in the last 5 years, those were definitely the best Christmas’s I’ve ever had. Can’t wait to do the same with my children.

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#BOTY2018 Day 23 : Go To Online Personalities That Changed My Year

Twitter handle : @90sWWE

I love wresting. I’ve been watching it all my life. The modern era just doesn’t have the flair of the 90s era. Everytime I crave a break, I’ll be watching 90s wrestling on Twitter. Watching Stone Cold Steve Austin give Mr. McMahon a stunner or watching the Rock evolve into his current glory, the limousine riding Rick Flair, Mick Foley and Mr Socko and who can from Brett Hitman Hart.

I know it’s not real (well, now) but one 2 minute clip is guaranteed to put you back into childhood bliss.

#BOTY2018 Day 22 : Best Story I’ve Read/Heard

This will be short and to the point.

You know when you are walking and you see something that makes you stop and look back.

Kwayedza. Sometime in this long year. Headline – AKABA MOMBE AKAKURA MAZAMU (Stole a cow and grew breasts) What on God’s blue and green earth is going on. I couldn’t believe it.

Let me break it down for you. What happened was, this man felt the pressure of the economy. He thought the best way to put food on the table was steal a cow from a nearby village. He set out around midday and got to the next village in the late afternoon. He waited till the people in the area had fallen asleep before driving a young cow out of her pen and onwards homebound. He sold the cow and made his bucks, went home.

He woke up and felt there is a disturbance in the force. His normally flat chest had breasts. This man had grown a DD overnight. The messed up thing, Kwayedza had printed pictures of it (nipple removed) ad put it in the paper. WILDT. He knew what was up, he got the young cow back, he drove it to the owners homestead who told him, he wanted more than that because he had activated his charm and played a card with his ancestors. Poor man had to pay a goat on top before his breasts disappeared.

This ain’t it.

This ain’t it.

#BOTY2018 Day 21 : The Compliment That Made My Year

You look good with a beard..

Right there and then, I was ready to give her my heart, soul, body, empty bank account. She had said the right thing.

Hi, I’m Keith and I’m new beard gang gang. I’ve struggled with growing a beard for as long as I can remember. I’ve always wanted a beard to add to my already aesthetically pleasing looks but it wouldn’t grow right.

I was on my way to the barber to get my usual when I get a friend who told me it looks really good on me. That one mini compliment changed my entire mood about beards. So I cut off that current crop, invsted in proper products and with proper trims. I have a baby beard.

Month six and it’s got a baby beard Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo and I most say, it rocks. People remember my name now, I get long lingering looks. One girl actually stroked it.

I’m putting grey tint in it next. Panty dropper a

#BOTY2018 Day 20 : Fashion/Style Trend

Don’t comment on stuff that doesn’t affect you

Well, I’m breaking that personal rule. I was very offended by a tweet I saw recently that said girls who wear dresses with sneakers are not lady like. Of course, it’s a man who tweeted something that stupid.

Personally, I like that dress and sneaker stuff. It’s awesome and looks very comfortable too. If it works, it comes out looking flames. Feels like an episode of fashion police 🙂

BOTY2018 Day 19: Function/Show/Festival

I was very fortunate to attend a wedding that moved me this year. Initially, I didn’t want to go but I was threatened and I had no option so I pulled on my suit and became a proper gentleman.

The wedding service itself was short and simple. I didn’t have to resort to my flask to get through it. It was mid afternoon, outside, beautiful, well coordinated and weirdly, it was on time. No RSVP, No Entry. Strictly. I liked that. Removes unnecessary riff raff.

The reception was also a huge success. Sure, no alcohol but only 50 invited guests could enter into the dining area. Small, contained wedding, well within the budget. The dances were great, the music top notch (Carolina after every other song), not too many costume changes.

I stan. I stan hard. I’ve seen what I want in the future.

#BOTY2018 Day 18 : Travel Experience

Boli, Chiredzi

I recently visited a small township called Boli. It’s not even a township. It’s more of a place with a name written on a map. Roughly 60 kilometres out of central Chiredzi, you pass through fields and fields and fields and fields of sugar cane in varying stages of growth as well as a functional factory processing sugar cane into sugar ( smells nice like what I imagine Willy Wonka’s factory must have smelt like to hungry Charlie).

From there, you turn into a dust road that takes you to the Boli. The area is dry and empty. There is no grazing land for animals and no proper farm land for farmers. The farmer in me was weeping at this point until I felt the heat during the day. At that point, the climate change scientist in me was screaming loudly.

Very few have electricity, the poles are available but it’s out of reach for most families. Surface water ( rivers and dams) have long since dried up and underground water can be found 50-60kms beneath the Earth’s surface. I was wondering how they survive and the affluent of them cross illegally into Mozambique for essentials while the rest resort to donor aid and funding.

Eye-Opener

#BOTY2018 Day 17 : App I Discovered

Y’all ever hear of an app called Money Manager?

It is basically a form of money tracking app where you log in all transactions (debits and credits). It’s been amazing keeping track of how much I use a month and what I spent the most on ( transport and …. ) As long as you enter all transactions, you’ll be in the clear.

#BOTY2018 Day 16: Business/Service I started Using

About 43 kilometres east of Harare, along Mutare Road, I started using a certain grain miller. I’ve used other millers before but I really liked this guy. My ex-usual guy had said something a bit off tangent that hadn’t sat properly with me, so I was looking for a new guy. I got referred by someone else and I must say, I’ve been impressed

  1. His customer care is top notch. Offloading, properly milling the chicken kresh the way I want as well as loading
  2. Ecocash, kwenga and cash acceptable
  3. Also available 7 days a week, 10 hours a day
  4. His mill is located at a bar, you can sit and watch him work while you enjoy a cold one.

I think I’m going to be working with him for a while.